~Deep Handigaule~
Rachana is arriving today.
Rakesh kept on bouncing in and out of sleep all night long. Fire works by the government center at midnight, and elsewhere all night compounded his excitement even more. Crisp morning of a New Year day refreshed his joy once again. Lying flat on bed he gazed at the ceiling, and saw something slowly building up there. The picture became clearer and
clearer with Rachana glowing in red outfits with diamond and gold jewelries sitting next to him at the mandap under the witnessing stars. He even noticed a line of sindoor flashing right through her parted hair. He could not watch the ceiling any more. As he slowly closed his eyes, Rachana quietly sneaked in through his closing eyelids and led him away to their room at kathmandu where they found each other to themselves. Jolted, Rakesh got up, and looked out the window. It was still snowing outside since last evening. He brought his eyes back to his room then picked Rachana?s smiling picture up from the nightstand and felt like he soared with her radiant smile. He knew then what does multitudinous excitement mean.
Rachana?s flight was scheduled to arrive at 11:15 AM. *It?s already seven O? clock*, he said then corrected with *Oh! Still have 4 more long hours to chase*.
Rakesh picked up a bouquet – of two-dozen red roses – that he had bought just a few minutes ago and was ready to leave as the clock read 10:30. Right then, his phone rang. He was about to ignore the call but saw a close by hospital name on the caller id. *From hospital?* He asked to himself then picked the phone up.
Hello..with an alert voice Rakesh responded the call.
*May I speak with Mr. Rocky please..* A lady spoke at the other end.
*Rocky!* Rakesh paused a bit. The only person who called him Rocky was Rachel. He never let anyone else call him by that name. Rakesh did not think it was Rachel on the phone. *Speaking is he* Rakesh could barely hear himself.
He answered affirmatively when the lady on the other side asked if he knew Rachel. Then, the lady from the hospital said that Rachel met a terribly bad accident just a while ago and is brought to the hospital in critical condition. The only contact information they found so far from her is of his.
Rakesh took the information from the lady and hung up the phone. He quietly sat on the couch. His heart was sinking and mind crashing like the clouds in thunderstorm.
Fifteen minutes left before Rachana were to land at Logan. All his dynamic excitements were being washed away with every drop of tears he was trying to hold. Rachel always told him not to look back if he wanted to move on. *You can neither come back nor wait to what you have left behind, so why waste life over something that was once but can never be yours again?* Rakesh did move on. In fact, he had moved on even before Rachel told him to. He got engaged to Rachana when he was still married to Rachel. Rachana never knew about Rachel but Rachel calmly offered Rakesh, when he returned after wedding, a warm congratulatory message with a beautiful card, which he just yesterday moved to his office drawer from home. Rachel never asked *Why?* nor did she throw, not even once, a negative comment for his betrayal. The way she let Rakesh go with all her dignity intact always hurt him inside.
He pulled out his permanent resident card and closely looked at it. Rachel was written all over it. Although, he was going to flatter Rachana by showing *R* inscribed on the ring that he was wearing on his right ring-finger, but that R really meant Rachel.
Since Rakesh came back after his wedding, the only communication he had with Rachel was that congratulatory card. That card had a note too which clearly requested him not to contact her any more. That was about nine months ago, and he truly had honor Rachel?s request.
Rakesh moved three times in the past nine months. He moved to Boston just a couple of months ago from a Midwest state. And now his number is not even listed any more. He was surprised about how Rachel had his address and phone number. Was she coming over to see him? Perhaps wish a Happy New Year to him personally? Or spend a moment or two together for old time?s sake? Rachel had him as her contact surprised Rakesh even more.
The plane that brought Rachana to Rakesh must have already landed but Rakesh was still trying to figure out where does his loyalty rests first. He sat on the car headed toward the airport arguing back and forth.
It?s now more than an hour since the plane landed. As he passed the hospital on his left, he remembered what Rachel used to say, *..move on, Rakesh. Don?t look back. You can never move on but be lost if you ever try to wait for something that will never come back to you.* Rakesh put more pressure to accelerator to pass the hospital as soon as possible. He looked back through the rear view mirror and did not see the hospital any more. Red-rose-bouquet was quietly resting on the passenger seat. He then took the immediate next turn then a couple of more turns, then parked his car. As he entered the building, his cell phone rang. People looked at him but he swiftly turned off his phone before anyone could comment.
He saw Rachel surrounded with doctors. Rakesh understood the essence of the moment when an attending doctor told him that Rachel perhaps is living her last moments. He stood there numb for a few more seconds. A couple of more people came to see her. He did not know who they were. Rakesh could not share the life with Rachel but did pause to see the life, which once was dedicated to him, flickering.
Rakesh came out to smoke and turned the cell phone on. Saw 10 missed calls. The phone rang again. It was Rachana, who was almost crying.
Without thinking much he ran to his car. Closed his eyes for a moment then started the car and as he was about move on ?Rocky!?, Rakesh heard Rachel whispering from behind. Goosebumps blanketed his body. With lightening move he fixed his eyes on rear review mirror, all Rakesh saw was a leaf, a solitary one, falling with dead silence within.
*****
