~Dilip Poudyal~
I was at the bank of Don river in Southern Ontario. There were people in a group of ten or fifteen on the side of the road talking each other in a louder noise than regular talking voice. A girl about ten passed by the crowd and entered in to the bush with no other friends. She was wearing a white scarf and slippers. After five minutes, another girl about fifteen wearing a black scarf and bare foot also entered into the bush through the same track.
In another five minutes, an elderly male with a cane followed them. He was wearing a red long gown as a monk. The crowd was still there and having loud discussion on computers, machines and role of man. I could only say this because I could not understand more what they were actually talking about. I heard some fragments of the discussion.
As I was standing on the edge of the road and observing the activities of both, people going into the bush, and the people having hot arguments about the politics of nothing. A squirrel ran into the woods. A tiny bird fluttered from one tree to another. The nature was calm and soothing. The gentle breeze passing through the woods make it rippled waves of the leaves.
I was about to participate in the group and ask random questions of void, a question hit my head hard “Why should I involve with the discussion that I don’t have a clue. Again my mind reeled on the words like algorithms, colon, robots, AI and other words I could not enter in my brain and my brain’s algorithm could not short it out.
I slowly walked towards the crowd and and stood beside a guy who was talking in a louder voice than others, “ Sir may I know why… what you are talking about?”
He looked into my face, raised his eyebrow and folded his forehead. Then he looked other side completely neglecting my request.
“ Sir, are you hearing me?” I asked.
“ No I’m not. You are none of us. Your skin is brown and you are tinier than us. You are foreigners you ruined my country. Get the f*** out of here.”
I walked back away from the crowd. Everyone was looking at me as if I was from another planet. I thought those people who went into the bush were kinder than the frustrated mob. The grass on the ground was green and clean. The flowers were blooming and bumble bees and butterflies were zooming on it. The trees were deep and dark. I could hardly follow the human track into the jungle. I could see some animals running into the bush. Monkeys , jackals, Raccoons and chimpanzees were jumping on to the trees, running through the bush and crossing the creek.
I was alone and aimless. At the same time I was standing on the void. I had no identity to tell people who I was and where I was from. I lost the place I was born with human face and a brain which is no more important than the wired brain of the computer. I was living in a vacuum; political, identical and ethical. I worked for a company which only knows the numbers. Number of my entry in their employment system. They always ask me the numbers: the year, month and day of my birth, the social insurance number, the bank account number, the number of my children. But they never asked me what game I used to play when I was two or three. They never asked what food I used to like or had when I was a child. They never asked if my school teacher used to joke. They never asked if my mom remembers me every night before she goes to the bed. They never asked if I liked poems, stories, rivers, birds .
They asked me what did I have to make profit for them. They always asked how I could proof myself that I am a machine to follow the certain procedures keeping my mouth shut if something goes wrong with that procedure. They asked if I had a history of heart disease so that they could avoid the expense of possible employee insurance in the future. They asked if I understood that I would be fired without any reason if they wanted. They would give me a bull shit reason, though.
First I left the country I was born. Then I left the job I picked after I choose to live in foreigner’s land. Then I left the family because I was nothing then the garbage on the bed. Then I lived on the streets. I made friends of drug dealers, butt-pickers, gang banger, panhandlers, pickpockets, hookers,
sketchy, crack addicts. I saw racism there. I saw a lot of shit happening in their lives. I knew why they were what they were.
Then I started walking alone. I had seen all kinds of people,but nobody saw me. I was like a dust particle in front of their eyes but nobody really cares it. When I was in the parks, I used to the dogs and cats much more happier and wealthy. They were being listened, taken care and treated better. They were having fun, eating food on time and many more.
Then I decided to spy people to know why they were acting like machines or treated like machines. All I knew was the FEAR. It was the fear of uncertainty, fear of war, fear of disease. THE FEAR OF DEATH.
They were all living in a void. They had no fucking clue what was happening around the world. They were running after an illusion; illusion of the self and the illusion of the material world. They were all hunting the luxury but not the peace. They were not living happily with their wives, parents and kids. They were all living with a digital box and the world falsely brought to them. They could not laugh and cry, but all they can act better happier, wealthier and more content.
I was wandering like a lost bird from its flock. I was physically lost. I was spiritually lost. I did not know where I was going. I was there on the street. At the same moment I was’t there.
When I saw those people walking into the bush, I followed them. They looked like they were in search of the meaning in the void.I stopped on the bank of the river under the shadow of Maple tree. I looked the leaves of the maple. I saw the glory of the color. Though they were fallen apart from the branch, they were still shining. They had identity. They were not lost. They were everywhere. Worms were hidden underneath the leaves and making their food. They were living in harmony. I saw the birds on the tree sharing the same branch. They never had an issue on sharing and living in harmony. They were not fighting for power. They were not making any nuclear weapons to destroy themselves in the coming future.
I walked across the river over the shallow water on my foot. As I reached other side of the river, I saw a similar face with different build up hanging on the raspberry tree. I waved my hand and said ‘hi’.
She looked at me, in me and through me, but did not smile at all. She might have known that smile is not the right way to repose the stranger. Unlike human being, she had compassion in her eyes. I wanted to talk to her so that I went closer to her. As I moved closer to her, she jumped to the next tree and still keep looking at me. I thought we had lost the faith. We lost the trust. I followed the monkey up to the hill to the cave where I saw those girls and monk sitting on a stone and meditating. There were other monkeys too in that cave but all of them were swinging here to there on the vines and over the limestone.
I went close to a small monkey and initiated a talk, but another giant monkey came closer to the baby monkey and hissed at me. I remained unmoved. He looked into my eyes, heart. I felt pain in my chest. The monkey came closer to me and whispered in my ear and walked off. I followed them. As they all gathered on the two big flat rock behind the cave, they talked in their language. After they finished talking, one of the monkeys came closer to me and held my hand. He took me to the other side of the stone and showed some yams stored underneath the rock. He looked me with compassion.
He was requesting me to eat the food. Tear rolled down of my cheeks. I ate the raw yam as I was hungry for several days. Another monkey came with a banana in his hand. I was surprised how he got the banana as I could not see the banana tree around.
When the twilight welcomed the cricket in the bush, all the monkey family went to the cave. I walked slowly with them. A baby monkey was with me. I was nervous. I was thinking of meeting the monk and two young girls who were meditating in the cave. But by the time I arrived to the cave, they had left the cave. The monkeys sat together in the cave keeping the younger members of the family in the middle of the group. I was little away from them and watching their activities. They were so caring, compassionate and extremely social. They were not watching TV. They were not grumpy with their kids. They were not using cell phones or not calling and texting. They were not blaming each other. They all worked together and also enjoying their freedom. Nobody was corrupt and mean. They all talked in their language. I was feeling better than human society. They did not afraid of any other monkey party. There were no doors locked for any of their neighbors.
I was not alone there although I had no human friends. I was the escapist. I escaped from the society. I had long been escaped from the competition of so called prosperity. I wanted to be away from greed and lust. But it was not possible in the human society. The humanity was corrupted. People had fear of unknown enemies. They were on the mission of destroying the earth with poisonous gases. Only few people have faith on the God. There were only a few people who were looking for the peace of the inner soul.
Next day, I saw more people with the monk. They were one with nature. A monkey, I named him Rahul, was always with me and was taking care of me wherever we went. I learnt to climb the trees though the smaller than they used to climb. I learnt to ride on the rocks and crawl through the cliffs. They would help me anytime I needed. After a month I noticed that I had already started walking on my four feet. I used to dig the grounds with my fingers because nails were all grown as sharp as the monkeys had. I used to jump to catch the ripe bananas on the jungle. I learnt to use stones as a weapons. I forgot my language of human being. I could communicate with other fellow monkeys. I could understand when they warn me about the danger or they asked me to run away. It was a fun to steal maize from the fields and run away as soon as the farmer appeared with stick, stone and sometimes with shotguns. They taught how to hide in the bush.
My clothes were all dirty and tattered. One day, I removed and threw them in the bush. They were looking at my private part. First, I was ashamed . I learned the art of living. The weather was challenging to my skin. Sometimes it was too hot for my bare skin and sometimes too cold. My skin used to have full of blood stains due to the thrones of the bush. I grew hairs all over the body. I had extra skin layers to protect me from the cold and hot weather.
One morning, we were all climbing the hill searching for food. It was a rocky terrain and hard to climb for me. I stumbled many places on the way up the hill. One medium sized monkey, less hairy with shiny eyes assisted me holding my hand. First, I did not know difference between male and female. They have no distinctive characteristics like human gender faces or body structures. I discovered some difference in their behavior pattern. Some monkeys were kind, compassionate and caring. Some other monkeys were careless, quarrelsome and short tempered. I thought the first group of the monkeys were female and the second group male. Rahul was short tempered although he was friendly. The one which was taking care of me was more compassionate and caring. I named her ‘Sundari’. She was prettier than any of the group. When I had wounds or cuts in my skin, she used to put mud and rub with her hands. She used to sleep with me and make me warm.
One day, fire caught the forest. Birds flew away. Other animals ran out of the forest. The head of the monkey commanded everyone to follow him. The mother monkeys carried their babies on their backs. I stood in the line where Sundari was standing by me. They headed towards the river. Once we arrived to the bank of the river, the male leaders of the group stood in the front line and other in a single file. Sundari stared at me and pushed towards the water. I stepped into the water holding her hand. We crossed the river without any hinderances. The leaders continued strolling down the river.
On the bank of the river near the hill, we saw a mud house. One of the leader monkey asked us to hide underneath a big rock while he was checking the food in the house. They were well coordinated in the group. This time most of them were looking at me. They were thinking that it was my house. I said “NO’ shaking my soldiers vehemently. Sundari touched my hand and smiled. There was not any different in the expression of their face, their eyes would be telling clearly if they were happy or sad.
After a minute, the leader summoned everyone to the house. The house was empty. There was nothing outside of the house. The door was locked. But there were varieties of fruits in the orchard. I picked up some guava and crap apples. They jumped all over the trees. I felt bad to the owner of the orchard.
Then, I heard Bang ..bang. I saw Rahul rolling on the grass. Other monkeys ran away leaving Rahul there. I hid behind the house. I saw Sundari coming towards me. I asked her to follow the group. One man about seven feet tall with spotted clothes appeared in-front of me. ” Holly shit, this is a human boy. How come you are with monkeys?” he was nearly collapsed . I understood what he said but I had almost forgotten how to speak human language. I was frozen.
Then I ran down towards the river where other monkeys ran. The man followed us until we reached to the extremely steep hill. All the monkeys climbed the rock quickly being scared of the man with gun. When I was hanging and swinging onto the vines, I fell off the tree and stumbled onto the ground by the shore. The man came running and held me up. He asked, ” who are you?” Are you okay?” There was blood all over my body. At the meantime, I saw a group of monkeys watching me from the top of a rock just above us. The leader monkey started beating his chest with his hands. Other started hissing and grouling . Soon a monkey with the giant limbs jumped in between us, caught in my arms and dragged up the hills. The man backed off without further action. Soon, other monkeys gathered and circled me. They put me in the middle and looked other fellow monkeys. When they realized one of the members was missing, they all cried. Then two of them went back in search of the missing member. I knew that it was Rahul. Rahul was my friend who used to play and stay with me most of the time. After two hours they came alone. For almost a week, we stayed in the same forest. There was not sufficient food to eat.
After seven days, we all moved to another forest near the town. There were people living in the forest under the tent. Children were cycling and adults were strolling. Some human couple were holding each other tightly in the bush. They were afraid of us. Children used to run crying towards their parents. Nobody spotted me as a human. I used to crawl in the tree and swing from one branch to another. Whole body had changed the skin and developed a layer to resist the sun, rain and the snow. I never suffered from cold or hot.
One night I was sleeping on the ground with other monkeys. When I woke up, I found myself in a glass cabinet away from the forest. There weren’t other monkeys around. I had clothes on my body and wires hanging in the four corners of the cabin. I felt pain in my buttock and arms. As I raised from the bed, a white, skinny man was standing in front of me. He was wearing a mask and gloves.
When he saw my eyes rolling and hands were moving, he removed his eye glass and observed me closely. He gently touched my arms, probably he was checking the veins.
‘”Hello, I am professor Doug”, the man said. “We found in the forest with a group of monkeys. Do you understand my language?”
I did not speak. I tried to speak with some bits of alphabets, however it became a noise. He examined each parts of my body. After he left the room, two girls in the blue uniform came in and asked me to follow them. When they saw me unmoved from the place, one of them telephoned someone. Soon there came a man with weapon. He grabbed by wrist without saying a word and pushed me into the bathtub. I felt uncomfortable with the hot water.
After they showered me with hot water, they gave me a shirt and pant and asked me to wear them all the time. I had no proper coordination with my hand. They helped me put the clothes. It was not comfortable for me to wear clothes. But I had no choice. They took me to the another room and drained my blood. They put instruments into my mouth and noted in the computer. After an hour, they moved me to the another room. There was a girl who looked very young. She spoke a few words with smile and took a measuring tape from the bag. Then she spoke a few words and stretched her hands towards my penis.
I was extremely surprised with her attempt. Then she held my penis with left hand and took measurements with the right hand. She typed in the pad and again measured my arms, legs, height, width. Her touch in my body started giving me the sensation. They kept me in the glass cabinet for two days. On the third day, a woman appeared in the room with some instruments. She took the note of my height, size and skin color. That night they moved me to one of the laboratories of the town. They gave me the alphabets and asked me to read them. I uttered a few words but for sure there was no rhyme.
“Welcome back to the life. you are now recovered from Covid-19,” I heard .
As I opened the eyes, I was in the ventilator breathing hard. A white doctor was standing beside me with a report. A group of nurses were ready to release me from the ventilator. I remembered when I was admitted to the hospital after I had difficulty in breathing. It was a bad dream.
(Source : Story writer sent it via ‘नयाँ रचना पठाउनुहोस्‘ of this website. )
