~Shrisha Tuladhar~
Now I trace myself on the mirror
And stare at the emptiness inside me on display
Insignificance you built in my mind
Keeps hurting my wound
Thoughts keep moving away
Consuming what’s already ruined
There’s not a single now I’ll take from you
Or give back to you
Because of you I destroyed all my creativity inside
And chased all away whom I had around me
Because of you I took back what I hated to be
And lost my sense of belongings to everything
Because of you I made solitary a part of me
And loneliness my shadow
Because of you I made darkness my home
And pain my room
You locked me in your four walls of emptiness
And let me suffer in this dirty pool
When I was to hit the floor
You picked me up
And justified that you’ll understand me
So I laid all my trust on you
But you were all building the helplessness inside me
To become your victim
Instead of healing my wound
You build a place to reason my insecure feelings
It’s like I trusted you too well
And made me absorb all the blame and shame of being with you
Because of you every one ignored me
So now I’m breaking away from you
You got to give myself back to me
What you were stealing away from me
I don’t want to turn back to your face
To take back all the wrongness once more
You are the worst I had inside me
There isn’t a reason for you to think that I need you
Cause now I can run on my own
And I’ll not confuse myself anymore
Not now or not to the years I’ll pass from here
I’ll be anything without you
And I ain’t got regrets
That once I was with you
Because now I am where I’m supposed to be
And it’s all without you and without your pills to survive .
Shrisha Tuladhar
Maitidevi, Kathmandu
(Source : Tanneri Dot com – Issue 3 – Falgun, 2061)
