~Soham Dhakal~
“You know, sometimes I wish that I could dissapear. Its not because I am running away from anything, its just that I want to vanish. Just because. There is actually no rational explanation. Well maybe because I get bored with everything. Or.. I don’t know.”
Conversations, yes they just start like this between us. I shouldn’t say always but at least the ones that I remember or the ones I choose to remember. Yes, we are people caught between cultures, caught between realities, caught between responsibilities and expectations. We are also confined within reason. So there is not much to complain here.
“I read, I read and I read some more hoping out there is something that will show me the answer and a way. I read everything from Hesse to Hawkings to Davies to anything that makes a little sense. I try to understand the Dharma and the Upanishads. With every new book that I read my ideas widen a little, my thoughts transform a little, and my views change a little. Then I am left with more questions than I started out with. But I feel like an outsider. I do not know what I am looking for”
” Sometimes I just want to say hell with all this and just go back to Nepal and be a social worker or something. But what do I know about social work. Even then I have responsibilities and expectations that make me say next year, in five years, and before you know it I will be retired, my kids would have moved far away from home, me all alone, thinking I should have….”
Yep there is much to be said about expectations. I mean that is the thing that has been driving us all this time. Everyone expects you to do something, and everyone wants you to live upto their expectations. Ever since you are a child you are expected to do this do that, be like this, talk like that. Why can’t you be more like him/her.. etc and then you are expected to have a family, kids and live be happy.
“What is the big deal with having kids anyway? I mean why do we need to have children? Aren’t there enough of them running around in this world anyway? Adopt.”
“I agree, My parents did a damn good job raising me, I have a college degree, a good job, but I am not satisfied or happy. Now imagine, even if I was able to give my kids all that I had, they are not going to turn out to be better than me? Why don’t we take care of the children that are already here anyway. All those people that say they love children, go and bring more children into this world. No matter which way you look at it, you are bringing a life into this world, and giving them a probability that is less than winning a lottery that they will be happy in this world. After all how many people do you know, have happiness?”
“Ah happiness, the emotion that is often overrated and overused. Who truly knows when one is happy ? Would happiness also be happiness if there was no sadness, then what would be happiness?”
“Bull Shit”
“Have you realized that when you are happy the very next thing that happens is really bad? I am scared of being happy. Everytime things seem to be going my way, bam, out of nowhere comes this freak thing and totally gets me. I think its just the brains way of warning you that you that you are about to get into deep shit.”
Then the tape is done rewinding, and amidst the smoke, we are all mesmerized as we watch the video of U2’s ZooTV tour, which we have seen a million times.
(Source : Suskera.com )
