Essay : Hairy Chimps At TIA !

~Khagendra Bhattarai~Khagendra Bhattarai

I screamed. I was really unhappy. I can’t help thinking about my Gopi uncle when I read a small news item in Melbourne Herald Sun a few days back. Why the hell Peter brought that stale newspaper and showed me that news? Jesus! It’s so annoying.

“It’s bloody hilarious, innit?” he asked me while chomping his casserole. He pushed the newspaper towards me and I read it. I hate the newspaper. It does not publish anything about our great reformers when they share their dreams in open air theatre. They do not care when our revolutionary party cadres block roads and stage strikes for days and months. They neglect us as if we were weird mobs. The western media must have a misunderstanding that chanting slogans on the streets is a part of our everyday life. In fact the westerners do not understand anything about the sacrifice of our great leaders and they do not understand how dedicated we are to rebuild our country.

We do not mind our respected leaders using generators at home when we can manage with candle lights during sixteen hours a day electricity outage. The leaders have to work and they have to think for the people round the clock and they need light. They are in the light so that they can lead others into light. You got it? Oh, do you mean they are in Pajero or something and all the people are suffering? We do not care. Listen, we do not care at all. We want our leaders do the things in faster pace. We are impatient to materialise our dreams and we want our great leaders to move faster in the best cars. And of course we want them to eat properly and work for the people. The bigger our leaders’ belly, the happier we are. We know very well that healthy body with sound mind is a must for greater achievements.

You may also question about our leaders’ frequent foreign trips, big houses, investments and other tits bits. I think we understand our leaders more than anybody else. Look, our leaders need many big houses to accommodate many party workers and loyalists. They are so generous that doors are always open for the poor loyalists. Investments and bank balance? Investments to create more jobs for the general people and to assure other investors that they can also open industries if they like but with own risk. Of course the bank balance is needed for the rainy days. We are democratic people and we have frequent elections. Don’t they need money to distribute among people to prove how caring they are?

Oh, I was so upset with the news. Some foolhardy might have devised the rule that the International Airport (mind it we have just one) employees have to wear pocket-less pants. That’s too much. It’s against human rights. What do you think? Can my Gopi uncle walk on the street wearing pocket-less pants? Do they want to prove that the people with pocket-less pants are corrupts? I can’t even imagine that my Kaka is a corrupt! He can’t help if somebody gives something to him out of generosity. Are some people too jealous with my Kaka and devised the unfair rule?

Okay, okay! Now they made a rule not to wear pants with pockets, what do they do if some smartarse expressed their doubt on using socks, undies, bras and even cuffs? Will the rule be stretched like a chewing gum and they ask our Kaka and his friends to shed off shoes, shirts, undies, bras, petticoats with secret pockets? What a shame! Hope not so but there is a chance that that they would ask my Kaka to be naked one day. (Dear Kaka I sincerely advise you to take a gown without pockets like that they use in a hospital operation theatre. Just in case…!) And the Herald Sun would probably publish a news with a priority under the heading “HAIRY CHIMPS OPERATING INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT IN NEPAL.” Am I overanalysing the matter? May the swine flu sweep the awkward rule makers!

I wish my Kaka to go to the great leaders (who had recruited him as an airport official) and tell them about all the nasty probabilities. Remember Gopi Kaka, a stitch in time saves nine.

PS: Kaka, please always keep a gown with you.

Khagendra Bhattarai, Melbourne, Australia

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